The First Denouement

I am in the last few days of my summer training program, and I must say that I am exhausted, but for different reasons than I anticipated.

I have been surprised by just how much time must go into things like guided notes, posters, worksheets, and assessments (...and the necessity to go back and check the answer choices before copying said assessments...). I have also faced the disparity between feeling overwhelmed by the number of ways I can teach one given objective, while feeling hard-pressed to come up with one effective strategy for another. I have learned the importance of maintaining a "teacher face" that hides any excessive emotion, whether positive or negative. I have come to appreciate the amount of mental, physical, and emotional energy it takes to essentially "perform" for a tough crowd of students, and respond to their needs. I have been distressed by the wildly different levels of my students--one can't multiply or divide, another can't read the math questions, and yet another gets what I am saying within five minutes and can practice it perfectly in ten.

On the positive side, I have come to feel confident about my teacher presence in the classroom. When interviewed about his favorite teachers, one young man called me "a sweet kind'a lady" and warned my next year's students to "make sure to raise your hand if you wanna speak." I have also been wooed by the amazingness of my students. They are intelligent, hard working, entertaining, and upstanding young people. It is a tragedy that some of them are as behind as they are, because they are clearly capable of meeting high expectations if given the proper support.

That said, I will be leaving institute feeling only slightly pleased with my performance. I know that my students have learned new concepts and grown in confidence and comportment, but I also know that they could have grown even more if I would've known how to teach them better. I am here to incite transformational change for my students, and while I do not think that I have achieved that qualitative goal with these summer school students, I do hope that our work together has made a difference and that over the next two years, I can continue to work towards that goal for the sake of these kids.